What is a book of condolence?
A book of condolence is a book of blank pages where people can express their messages of sympathy after someone one has passed away. They can be signed by guests attending a funeral service or wake. The close family of the person who’s died can read through the messages after the funeral to remind themselves of all the people who cared about their loved one and how they touched people’s lives.
What do you write in a book of condolence?
Knowing what to write in a book of condolence isn’t straightforward. Even when you put pen to paper it’s perfectly normal to go blank. So where do you start? Here are a few approaches you could take when signing a book of condolence. Hopefully, it gives you a few ideas about what you’d like to say and how to express your feelings about the person who’s passed away.
Mention how you knew them
How did you meet them? And how did you know at that point they’d be a friend or important person in your life? Whether the family of the person who passed away know the story of how you met or not this can be a good way of personalising your message and sharing the impact they had on you and your life.
Talk about the funeral service
Use this as an opportunity to say how the service reflected the personality of the person who passed away and how honoured you were to be a part of it. Whether you were involved in the funeral arrangements or not this is an opportunity to show how important saying goodbye at the service was for you.
Describe the impact they had on you
Did the person who pass away help you in some way? Did they offer you support? Or set an example that stayed with you? You could use your message in the book of condolence to describe how this affected you. However small, it will make their other friends and family smile and feel proud of the impact they had on those around them when they were here.
Offer your support to the family
Can you help other family members or friends of the person who’s died after the funeral? Whether it’s practical support or just someone to talk to, offering your support in the book of condolence will be appreciated by those who are struggling to cope with their loss.
Share a story
If there’s a particular story about the person who’s passed away that makes you laugh or that describes their personality perfectly, it’s a great way to honour them. If you have something in mind, make some notes before the funeral service. It’ll help you get across what you really want to say and help you share your memory of them more clearly.
Keep it simple
If you weren’t that close to the person who died or you’re just not sure what to write in the book of condolence there’s nothing wrong with keeping it simple. Remember that you’re doing the best you can and your being there and sharing your sympathies, however short, is enough.
Book of condolence messages to make your own
It’s hard to know what to put in a book of condolence. Finding the words that express how you feel isn’t always easy, especially on a day that’s already a lot to handle. So we’ve put together some prompts and example messages to put in a book of condolence that you can adapt for a loved one. Hopefully, it helps you feel more prepared.
“I’ll never forget the time we spent together at….It won’t be the same without their silly jokes.”
“I know [Name] would have loved the flowers you chose. The service was so beautiful, and I’m honoured to have been a part of it.”
“[Name] was such a thoughtful person. I’ll miss them so much.”
“I’ll always remember when [Name] helped me to…They were so generous to me when I needed support.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here if you need anything – you have my full support.”
“I know that [Name] was such a loving [father/mother/son/daughter]. But I want you to know that they were an incredible friend too.”
Where can you buy a book of condolence?
You can order a book of condolence online from a variety of websites. Etsy can be a good place to start your search. They’ll offer different designs and ways to personalise the book, perhaps with a photo of the person who’s passed away or by adding their name to the cover. You could also get a few lines added to the first page of the book – this could be a favourite quote or a few prompts to help guests attending the funeral to fill out the book.
You can personalise a book of condolence in so many ways so if you’re overwhelmed with the choice online ask other family members and friends for advice. They’ll be able to help you narrow down your options and find the most fitting way to make the book of condolence unique.
How to make a book of condolence
If you want to make a book of condolence as unique as possible or buying one doesn’t fit your budget, you could always make your own ahead of the service. You could keep things simple by buying a blank notebook for people to add their messages to on the day of the service. You might want to ask people to add their messages to an online memorial instead. Or you could add some favourite photos to a scrapbook and create a funeral memory book. You really can adapt a book of condolence so that it feels suitable for you and the type of funeral you’re planning for your loved one.
Image by Aaron Burden on Unsplash.