Knowing what to say to someone attending a funeral can be difficult. You might be worrying about upsetting them by saying the “wrong” thing. But remember, everyone is different and most of the time they’ll appreciate your condolences. One of the most important things is to find the right approach to suit you, and the person going to the funeral. That’s why we’ve provided some suggestions on what to say and how to say it, below.
What to say when someone is going to a funeral
Figuring out the right thing to say to someone going to a funeral can feel awkward - whether it’s a close friend or a colleague. But before we list some suggestions, there’re a few things to remember to help you feel more at ease about the conversation.
Try not to make any assumptions
It’s easy to assume how someone may be feeling in the run up to a funeral. But it’s wise to keep in mind that not everyone reacts the same way. Because of this, it’s best to not make any assumptions about how they might be feeling.
If you’re not sure what to say, you could keep your message simple. And if you feel it’s appropriate, letting them know that you’re there if they need anything often goes a long way. It’s up to them whether they take you up on your offer, but it’s better to let them know that you’re there to help if and when they need it.
Think about culture and religion
Religion and culture might also impact how you respond to someone when they tell you they’re going to a funeral. For example, if you know you’re of the same faith, it may provide them with some comfort if you offer your condolences in a religiously appropriate way.
On the other hand, if you know they’re an atheist, try to avoid using religious quotes or beliefs. Instead, keep the focus of your words on your sympathy and offering to help out if you feel able to.
Don’t worry about getting it wrong
As long as you’re being thoughtful, your friend or colleague will likely appreciate your kind words, even if you keep it short and simple. And if you’ve thought about the way that you’d like to offer your sympathy, whether that’s in-person or via a card, what matters is that you’ve let them know you’re thinking of them.
Here’s what to say to someone going to a funeral
Short and simple words may be best when you’re not sure what to say to a colleague going to a funeral. Some examples include:
- “I’m sorry for your loss”
- “If I can help with anything, I’m here”
- “I’m always here if you need to talk”
- “I’m so sorry to hear this, I’m thinking of you”
- “I hope the service brings you comfort”
You can be a little more personal if they’re your friend and you think they’ll appreciate it. Plus, if you feel it’s appropriate, you could offer some ways that you could help them out. Here are a few more personal suggestions:
- “Sending my love to you and your family”
- “Sending my deepest sympathy to you and your family”
- “I’ll be up late if you need someone to talk to afterwards”
- “If you don’t want to be alone, I can come and stay over”
- “I hope it’s a wonderful celebration of their life”
- “I hope [name/pronoun] has a beautiful send-off”
If you have the time and you knew the person who died, it may be nice to share a happy story or memory of them. Just try to keep it brief and make sure that they feel comfortable with you talking about them.
Ways to offer your sympathy
There is no one “right” way to respond to someone going to a funeral. And there’re many different ways to offer your condolences:
- If it’s a colleague you’re close to, you could send them a card or offer to go out for a tea or coffee together. And when it comes to writing a card, there’re lots of popular condolence poems for sympathy cards to choose from, which could provide you with some inspiration.
- If you don’t know them quite as well, you could send them an email to let them know that you’re thinking of them.
- If they’re a close friend, you could go and visit them or invite them to your home. But if that’s not an option, speaking to them on the phone is another alternative.
- You could also send them a thoughtful message in a card and a bereavement gift if you’d like to.
We hope that after reading this article you have more of an idea on what to say to someone going to a funeral. Just try to remember that in most cases, your words will be appreciated. Want to help your grieving friend but not sure how? Here’s some information on how to help someone who is grieving.
