Choosing the right funeral poem to remember someone can be hard. Finding the right words for someone you didn’t have the best relationship with can be even more difficult. You could choose a popular or short funeral poem to simply make sure something has been said and so the service can go as planned. Or, if you really didn’t get on with the person, it’s completely fine to choose not to speak at all. But if you’re looking for something to say that will remember them in an honest way, without causing upset, one of our funeral poems for difficult relationships could help. Here, you’ll find a range of options. Some forgive the person who’s passed. Some focus on those they hurt. And some encourage healing. Hopefully, one will help you to say goodbye in a respectful but honest way.
A Bird in the Mist – Anonymous
“At times like this,
We may look through books for the perfect words
To give form to our feelings,
Make the thing complete,
Set the matter at rest.
Yet, in hours of searching,
Each piece lies rejected - too precise, too difficult, too sweet,
Too harsh, implying what we do not wish to say.
But, look into the grey wide sky,
And the thoughts will come like this:
Remember me when I loved you most and you loved me most.
Remember me when I was my bravest and I did you right.
Then, let that be our secret bond
And, let us rise in the morning and enjoy the light
And know that the bird in the mist is returning to the sun.”
A Bird in the Mist is an anonymous poem, so we can’t point you towards the author. But it does make a good choice of funeral poem for a difficult relationship. It acknowledges how difficult it can be to find the right words to say goodbye to someone, especially if you feel that they did you wrong. It explains the back and forth you might’ve been through, trying to find something accurate that doesn’t sugar coat things or put things too harshly. It serves as a reminder that while things may have been difficult, you’re still speaking at the funeral, so (hopefully) there were some good times between you and the person who’s passed. It encourages you to remember those times, even if they were brief.
Don’t Judge Me – Kathleen Wilson
“Don’t judge me, for I am just like you.
I can feel, I can love, and I can cry too.
Don’t curse me, for I have done you no wrong.
I only want the acceptance I have needed for so long.
Don’t laugh at me, for I am not laughing with you.
I see you’re laughing at me why is this true?
I may not even be who you think I am,
or even who you want me to be.
You wish for me to be more like you,
Why can’t you be more like me?
We both are made by one in the same.
We grew to be different, I’m not to blame.
Don’t judge me for I am just like you.
I can feel, I can love, and I can cry too.”
Don’t Judge Me could be a good choice of funeral poem for someone who you had a good relationship with, but who you know may have wronged others. Or who may have treated you badly, but also had a good side. It encourages us to let go of judgement, reminding us that we’re all human and prone to making mistakes. It highlights that while you might feel like someone wronged you, they might have seen it from a completely different perspective. It also gives the important reminder that everyone has feelings, so to be kind where you can.
If I Had a Voice – Caroline Wilkes
“If I had a voice now
It would be loving
And I would say thank you for all of your care.
If I had a voice now
I’d want to tell you
I’m sorry for not always wanting to be there.
My life, it confused you, it did so to me.
But I am released now and my heart is free.
The heart that was hidden beneath all the pain,
It felt so much more than I could explain.
And if I had a voice now,
I’d say out loud
I love you, I wish that I’d made that clear.
And in my lifetime
I need you to know
That I was much more than I did appear.
These are things that I’d say through choice…
if I had a chance and if I had a voice.”
This funeral poem for difficult relationships speaks from the point of view of the person who’s passed away. It’s a good choice if you think that, deep down, they did care, but didn’t really know how to express themselves, or let vices like pride get in the way. The poem could be a way to make an apology on behalf of the person you’ve lost. It says how they wish they’d acted in another way and that, given the chance, they’d do things differently a second time around.
When I Come to the End – Mosiah Lyman Hancock
“When I come to the end of my journey
and I travel my last weary mile,
just forget, if you can, that I ever frowned
and remember only the smile.
Forget unkind words I have spoken;
remember some good I have done.
Forget that I ever had heartache,
And remember I’ve had loads of fun.
Forget that I’ve stumbled and blundered
and sometimes fell by the way.
Remember I have fought some hard battles
and won, ere the close of the day.
Then forget to grieve for my going;
I would not have you sad for a day,
but in summer just gather some flowers
and remember the place where I lay,
and come in the shade of the evening
when the sun paints the sky in the west.
Stand for a few moments beside me
and remember only my best.”
When I Come to an End is another funeral poem that speaks on behalf of the person who’s passed. It encourages you, and other mourners, to try to forget the harder times you went through and to focus on the happier and more positive times instead. It could be a good choice for someone who had a condition that impacted how they acted towards the end of their life.
Time Will Ease the Hurt – Bruce B Wilmer
“The sadness of the present days
Is locked and set in time.
And moving to the future
Is a slow and painful climb.
But all the feelings that are now
So vivid and so real
Can’t hold their fresh intensity
As time begins to heal.
No wound so deep will ever go
Entirely away
Yet every hurt becomes
A little less from day to day.
Nothing can erase the painful
Imprints on your mind
But there are softer memories
That time will let you find.
Though your heart won’t let the sadness
Simply slide away
The echoes will diminish
Even though the memories stay.”
This is a good choice of funeral poem for someone who was difficult and you don’t necessarily want to forgive. It takes away focus from the person who’s passed and focuses on those left behind instead. In these few, short stanzas, the poet acknowledges that your pain and memories may never completely go away. But he does offer comfort that time will help, no matter how impossible that might seem right now.
Beyond – Anonymous
“We trust that beyond absence there is a presence.
That beyond the pain there can be healing.
That beyond the brokenness there can be wholeness.
That beyond the anger there may be peace.
That beyond the hurting there may be forgiveness.
That beyond the silence there may be the word.
That beyond the word there may be understanding.
That through understanding there is love.”
Beyond is another funeral poem for difficult relationships that takes the focus away from the person who’s passed and focuses on the mourners’ journey instead. It gives comfort that, though you may be experiencing all sorts of conflicting emotions right now, you could ultimately reach a sense of peace and even forgiveness.
Blessing for the Brokenhearted – Jan Richardson
“Let us promise
we will not
tell ourselves
time will heal
the wound,
when every day
our waking
opens it anew.
Perhaps for now
it can be enough
to simply marvel
at the mystery
of how a heart
so broken
can go on beating,
as if it were made
for precisely this.”
Blessing for the Brokenhearted can be read in a couple of different ways. The first is that the reader is so heartbroken by their loss that they couldn’t possibly move on and love again. But it also works well as a funeral poem for difficult relationships. It could be seen as referring to the pain that the person caused and that their passing doesn’t automatically mean that you have to feel love for them or struggle to see a future without them. This is a subtle choice that leaves room for different interpretations.
Death is Not the End – Peter Tatchell
“Death is not the end
But the beginning
Of a metamorphosis.
For matter is never destroyed
Only transformed
And rearranged –
Often more perfectly.
Witness how in the moment of a caterpillar’s death
The beauty of the butterfly is born
And released from the prison of the cocoon
It flies free.”
Death is Not the End could be a good choice for anyone who believes in an afterlife or reincarnation. It implies that the person who’s passed might not have led the most exciting or brilliant life, but that this isn’t the end. It gives hope that in the next stage of their existence, they could be “transformed” into someone or something more positive.
Forgiveness – George William Russell
“At dusk the window panes grew grey;
The wet world vanished in the gloom;
The dim and silver end of day
Scarce glimmered through the little room.
And all my sins were told; I said
Such things to her who knew not sin—
The sharp ache throbbing in my head,
The fever running high within.
I touched with pain her purity;
Sin’s darker sense I could not bring:
My soul was black as night to me;
To her I was a wounded thing.
I needed love no words could say;
She drew me softly nigh her chair,
My head upon her knees to lay,
With cool hands that caressed my hair.
She sat with hands as if to bless,
And looked with grave, ethereal eyes;
Ensouled by ancient Quietness,
A gentle priestess of the Wise.”
This poem about forgiveness could suit someone who did wrong in their life or who hurt those around them. In the poem, someone passes and bares their sins to a greater being. It offers comfort, as even though their soul was “black as night” to us, he was able to receive the love and forgiveness he needed to rest at peace.
I Thought Our Joy Benumbed For Ever – Emile Verhaeren
“My desires had become no more than evil weeds;
they bit at each other like thistles in the wind;
I felt my heart to be at once ice and burning coal and of a sudden dried up and stubborn…
But you said the word that gently comforts, seeking it nowhere else than in your immense love;
and I lived with the fire of your word, and at night warmed myself at it until the dawn of day.
The diminished man I felt myself to be, both to myself and all others, did not exist for you;
you gathered flowers for me from the window-sill, and, with your faith, I believed in health
And you brought to me, in the folds of your gown, the keen air, the wind of the fields and forests, and the perfumes of evening or the scents of dawn, and, in your fresh and deep-felt kisses, the sun.”
I Thought Our Joy Benumbed For Ever is another poem about forgiveness. It’s a good choice if you’re reading to people who knew the person who’s passed away wasn’t perfect but supported them despite their worse traits. It speaks from the point of view of someone who behaved badly; someone whose desires were “no more than evil weeds”. It gives thanks to those who offered them comfort and love regardless.
Sorry – R.S. Thomas
“Dear parents,
I forgive you my life,
Begotten in a drab town,
The intention was good;
Passing the street now,
I see still the remains of sunlight.
It was not the bone buckled;
You gave me enough food
To renew myself.
It was the mind's weight
Kept me bent, as I grew tall.
It was not your fault.
What should have gone on,
Arrow aimed from a tried bow
At a tried target, has turned back,
Wounding itself
With questions you had not asked.”
R.S. Thomas wrote this poem to his parents, accepting the life that his parents provided for him. He acknowledges that growing up in a “drab town” was less than ideal and that he suffered for it. But that he forgives them for it and knows that it wasn’t solely their fault. It could be a suitable funeral poem for a difficult mother or father.
A Poet’s Death Is His Life – Kahlil Gibran
“And he said, 'Come, oh beautiful Death; my soul is longing for you. Come close to me and unfasten the irons life, for I am weary of dragging them. Come, oh sweet Death, and deliver me from my neighbors who looked upon me as a stranger because I interpret to them the language of the angels. Hurry, oh peaceful Death…
Come, oh gentle Death, and enfold me under your white wings, for my fellowmen are not in want of me. Embrace me, oh Death, full of love and mercy; let your lips touch my lips which never tasted a mother's kiss, not touched a sister's cheeks, not caresses a sweetheart's fingertips. Come and take me, by beloved Death.'
Then, at the bedside of the dying poet appeared an angel who possessed a supernatural and divine beauty, holding in her hand a wreath of lilies. She embraced him and closed his eyes so he could see no more, except with the eye of his spirit. She impressed a deep and long and gently withdrawn kiss that left an eternal smile of fulfillment upon his lips.”
This excerpt from Kalil Gibran’s “A Poet’s Death is His Life” shows death as a release. It talks of a misunderstood man. Someone who didn’t think he was doing wrong but was consistently judged by others for his path and decisions. A man whose “fellow men are not in want of” him. It encourages listeners to consider that some people make bad decisions, not understanding their consequences. This makes it a good choice of funeral poem for a difficult person who didn’t realise they were upsetting others.
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