If your mum has passed away, Mother’s Day can bring up all sorts of emotions, whether you had a close relationship, a difficult relationship, or no relationship at all. And as Mother’s Day approaches, it’s normal to wonder how you’re going to spend the day and whether you should be doing anything to mark the occasion anymore.
The truth is that there’s no right or wrong way to approach Mother’s Day when your mum is no longer here. Some people find comfort in remembering mum on Mother’s Day, while others would rather ignore the occasion altogether. Here, you can find some suggestions for both approaches, as well as some info on coping with grief on Mother’s Day.
Grief on Mother’s Day
It’s normal to feel a range of emotions when facing Mother’s Day without your mum. Grief during Mother’s Day can present itself in all sorts of ways, including ways that you might not expect or feel prepared for. You might feel sad, reflecting on your loss. You could feel happy remembering the times you had together. Feelings of regret, remorse and guilt are common. Or you might feel nothing at all.
Remember to be kind to yourself, no matter which emotions present themselves. Only you will know how you want to cope with Mother’s Day grief. It’s okay to take a step back and give yourself a chance to consider how you’re feeling and how you want to spend the day. This is also fine if you’re a mother yourself and your family want to celebrate the day with you. Share how you’re feeling and ask for time and space if you need it.
It's also important to remember that grief can be unpredictable, and you might not feel the same each year. People often expect the first Mother’s Day after her death to be the most difficult. For some people, this will be the case. For others it might not. Some years can be harder than others. Grief isn’t always linear.
Remembering Mum on Mother’s Day
There are lots of ways to remember your mum on Mother’s Day and there’s no right or wrong way to remember her. You could simply dedicate a moment of your day to remembering your bond and the times you spent together. Or you could consider some of the suggestions below on how to celebrate Mother’s Day after her death.
Visit her resting place
If your mum was buried, or her ashes were buried, you might want to visit her grave on Mother’s Day. This gives you a chance to reflect and remember her. Some people use this time to tidy up the grave and clean the gravestone. Some people will bring flowers or balloons. Some will talk out loud. Some will simply think. If you scattered her ashes, you could visit the place where they were scattered.
Visit somewhere she loved
Did your mum have a favourite spot? Maybe a specific park, café or restaurant? You could arrange to spend part of the day or the full day visiting somewhere she loved. You could do this alone and give yourself some time to remember her privately. Or you could bring together others who loved her too – perhaps close friends and family.
Create a commemorative social media post
If you’re active on social media, you might want to create a “remembering you on Mother’s Day” post. Commemorative posts can be a good way to share your feelings out loud and creates a space where others can share their memories and remember your mum too. Your post could include photos or videos, a poem or quote, or a fond memory you have. You can find some quotes and poems below to help you commemorate your mother.
Mother’s Day grief quotes
Motherhood: all love begins and ends there.
Losing a mother doesn’t happen in a moment. It takes years to appreciate the impact of what’s gone.
Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.
The mother memories that are closest to my heart are the small, gentle ones that I have carried over from the days of my childhood. They are not profound, but they have stayed with me.
There is something about losing a mother that is permanent and inexpressible – a wound that will never quite heal.
If I made a list of the people I admire, Mom would probably fill up half of it.
Mother’s Day grief poems
Your Mother is Always With You – Jane Herlong
“She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself.
She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well.
She’s your breath in the air on a cold winters’ day.
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow.
She is Christmas morning.”
This poem reminds us that people can still be with us once they’ve passed away. In memories, beautiful scenes, scents, occasions… These are comforting words for remembering mom on Mother’s Day. You can find the full poem on Jane Herlong’s website.
A Sonnet for My Incomparable Mother – Joanna Fuchs
“You loved me with a never-failing love
You gave me strength and sweet security,
And then you did the hardest thing of all:
You let me separate and set me free.
Every day, I try my best to be
A mother like the mom you were to me.”
If you’re a parent yourself, this poem is a good choice for remembering your mother on Mother’s Day. It talks about the inspiration that your mum brought into your life and the hope that you can have as strong a bond with your own children. You can read the full poem here.
Away – James Whitcomb Riley
“I cannot say and I will not say
That she is dead, she is just away.
With a cheery smile and a wave of hand
She has wandered into an unknown land;
And left us dreaming how very fair
Its needs must be, since she lingers there.
And you-oh you, who the wildest yearn
From the old-time step and the glad return-
Think of her faring on, as dear
In the love of there, as the love of here
Think of her still the same way, I say;
She is not dead, she is just away.”
This Mother’s Day grief poem remembers a mum who was happy, positive, and comforting. It has an uplifting undertone that someday you will meet again. Find the full poem at Daily Poetry.
Avoiding Mother’s Day
Everyone grieves differently, and if you’d rather avoid Mother’s Day altogether, this is completely fine too. Whether you mark the day or not isn’t a reflection of the love you have or the emotions you’re feeling. Here are some ways you can disconnect from Mother’s Day.
Unsubscribe from Mother’s Day marketing emails
Like most occasions, Mother’s Day is a profitable time for companies. So in the lead up to the day, you might find that you’re starting to receive lots of Mother’s Day emails or targeted advertising. Thankfully, more businesses are starting to realise that not everyone wants to receive these and offer the chance to opt-out. This means you can avoid the Mother’s Day marketing but don’t have to completely remove yourself from their mailing lists.
Take a break from social media
Social media tends to get flooded with Mother’s Day themed posts on the day. If you think this could contribute to you feeling sad on Mother’s Day, you might want to temporarily avoid social media. Of course, a lot of us are in the habit of clicking our apps without thinking. So you might want to sign out of the platforms or use an app that gives you time to decide whether you definitely want to access your social media before showing your feed.
Avoid celebratory spots
If seeing people celebrating with their mums could lead to you feeling sad on Mother’s Day, you might want to avoid spots like spas, restaurants, tea rooms and cafes. These are popular spots for celebrations. Instead, consider a day at home or heading out to places that are less likely to be hotspots for Mother’s Day celebrations.
Image by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.
