When you choose cremation for a loved one, their ashes will be returned to you by the crematorium. This means that, in time, you and other family members will need to choose what you want to do with them.
If you have questions about keeping ashes, we’ll do our best to answer them here. So if you’re thinking, can I keep ashes after cremation? What do you keep ashes in? Or even, is it bad luck to keep ashes in the house? Read on.
Can I keep ashes at home?
The short answer is yes, it is perfectly legal and acceptable to keep a loved one’s ashes at home in the UK if you want to. This is not the same for all countries in Europe. In France, Germany, Denmark and Norway, for example, it is illegal to keep ashes in your home.
At the end of the day, in the UK at least, keeping a loved one's ashes at home is a personal decision that varies from individual to individual and family to family. In fact, there are good reasons both for and against keeping ashes at home.
Here are just some of the things you may wish to consider if you’re wondering whether, or how, to keep ashes after cremation.
Reasons for keeping ashes at home:
You feel comforted knowing they are there
Storing a loved one’s ashes at home can, for many people, provide a sense of comfort and closeness to a special person they’ve lost. You may find solace in having a physical presence in your daily life, allowing for moments of reflection and remembrance.
To retain a connection with the person who died
Keeping ashes at home can provide a tangible connection to the person who died. You may sense their presence and feel that they are still part of the family. Some people even chat to their loved one as they pass by while going about their day.
To allow other family members to visit more easily
Having the ashes at home makes it easier for family and friends to visit and pay their respects whenever they wish. You may also feel that the person who died is able to still be a part of special family moments and occasions.
Reasons against keeping ashes at home:
It may make it harder to move on
For some people, having the ashes at home can prolong the grieving process and make it more difficult to move forward. If you feel this is likely to be the case for you, it may be more sensible to consider other options in the longer term. Perhaps somewhere you can visit to be with your loved one on your terms.
The practical considerations of storing ashes at home
In order to keep ashes at home you will need to place them in an appropriate urn or container and find space to display or store them. Having them at home rather than scattered or buried in a final resting place will inevitably increase the risk of loss or damage. Instead, it may be safer to keep them in a dedicated memorial garden or cemetery to provide a more secure environment.
Superstitions and negative energy
Is it bad luck to keep cremated remains at home? There’s no scientific evidence that there’s still energy in cremated remains. But for some people who are particularly spiritual or sensitive, the energy that surrounds a loved one’s ashes can feel too overpowering to keep in the home. If this is the case for you, it may be worth finding a different arrangement.
What do different religions say about keeping ashes at home?
Religious beliefs can play a significant role in the decision to keep a loved one's ashes at home. In fact, some religions - Islam and many branches of Judaism for instance – strongly encourage burial instead of cremation.
Christian beliefs around the treatment of ashes differ depending on denomination. Some have no set rules regarding how ashes should be treated, while the Catholic Church forbids scattering or storing ashes at home.
Hinduism traditionally practices cremation, and the ashes, known as "Vibhuti" or "Bhasma," hold religious significance. Many Hindu families may choose to keep the ashes in an urn at home for a period of time before dispersing them in a sacred river or during special religious ceremonies.
Buddhism also permits various options. Some Buddhist families choose to set up an altar or shrine to hold the urn at home to honor and remember the deceased. While others may opt for burial or scattering of the ashes.
Of course, religious beliefs and practices can vary widely, even within each faith. If you are unsure about the specific religious guidelines regarding the handling of ashes in your own faith, speak with a religious leader or authority who can provide guidance suited to your own personal circumstances.
How long can I keep ashes after cremation?
Ashes do not have an expiry date. This means that, barring cultural or religious requirements, there is no rush to make a decision about what you will do with your loved one’s ashes after they’ve been returned to you.
What do you keep ashes in?
Traditionally, ashes are kept in an urn. This is usually a small, vase-like container with a lid. There are lots of different type of urn, and a number of different materials you can choose from, depending on where and how the urn will be stored. In reality, ashes don’t have to be kept in an urn. Any sealable container is fine. It’s completely up to you. How long can ashes be kept in an urn? The answer is indefinitely.
Different ways to keep cremated remains at home
While the tradition would be to keep ashes all together in an urn or box, there are now lots of other ways you can store ashes at home. Your choice will ultimately depend on your loved one’s wishes, the type of person they were and what you feel is the right option to help you remember them and keep them close.
In the garden
If your loved one enjoyed spending time outdoors or was a keen gardener, it may feel appropriate to allow them to become a part of the garden they loved. Mixing the ashes with soil and planting seeds or a memorial tree can be a wonderful way to commemorate a special person. Alternatively, if you chose an urn that is designed for outdoor use, you could simply create a special rockery or garden to display it outdoors.
In a specially chosen spot in the house
For some families, and some cultures, creating a special place for their loved one is important. Whether it’s a shrine or simply a decorative urn on the bookcase with a favourite photo next to it, is a personal decision. But having a dedicated place to remember them can feel comforting.
In jewellery
There are a couple of ways of creating memorial jewellery using a loved one’s cremated remains. Either a small amount of the ashes can be placed inside a locket, pendant or ring, for instance, or the ashes can be mixed with the materials that will be used to make the piece of jewellery. Necklaces are popular as a way of keeping the person who has died close to your heart.
In pottery
It is possible to add some of the ashes to clay to create a special memorial piece of pottery. This can then be decorated to your own personal taste and kept on display at home.
Share the remains with different family members
If you come from a larger family, or the person who died left a number of close relatives, you may wish to each keep a small amount of the ashes. This is often done using special keepsake urns. These might be matching, and perhaps inscribed with a special message.
What are the alternatives to keeping ashes at home?
If you don’t want to keep the ashes at home, there are plenty of other options. The most common ones are burying them and scattering them.
Most cemeteries and burial grounds now offer the option of burying cremated remains. It might even be that you can do this in an existing grave, for example the grave of the spouse of the person who has died.
Depending on where the ashes are to be buried, you will need to make sure the container you have them in is allowed by the chosen burial ground. It’s common, these days, for ashes to be buried, or interred, in biodegradable boxes to ensure nothing is left behind.
If you prefer the idea of scattering your loved one’s ashes, this is also possible in the UK and you will have plenty of choice about where you do it. You might opt for a special place you shared, or alternatively many crematoriums have memorial gardens that allow you to scatter cremated remains. The most important thing is that wherever you choose to do it you ask permission from the person who owns the land.
If you believe you will scatter the ashes post-cremation, the crematorium may return them to you in a scatter tube, usually a smaller cardboard tube that allows you to release them easily. How long can you keep ashes in a scatter tube? As long as you keep them away from moisture, there is no time limit. So there is no rush to arrange the scattering of the ashes until you are ready.
Ultimately, the decision to keep a loved one's ashes at home depends on individual preferences, cultural or religious beliefs and practical considerations. You may wish to talk to other family members or seek guidance from professionals, such as a funeral director or bereavement counsellor, who can provide additional insights and support while you make your decision.
More advice for after the funeral
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