How to tell someone about a death in the family?

How to tell someone about a death in the family

It can be hard if you have to break the news of a death of a close friend or family member to others. It isn’t easy knowing what to say or how to say it, especially if you’re dealing with your own feelings at the same time.  There are a few simple things you can do to make it easier for yourself and the people you speak with.

How to deliver the news of a death

You should try to deliver the news face to face if possible. Everyone reacts differently to unexpected or sad news, and may need support from you. You may also find it easier to speak if you’re together with the other person – being in the same room means you can give them a hug, make them a cup of tea or do whatever else feels natural to help them.

If it’s not possible to break the news face to face, such as in cases of long distance, you may need to have the conversation via video or phone calls. Email or text should always be the last resort, and only in cases where you are unable to deliver the news in any other way.

If you have a long list of people you need to contact, see if there is someone else who can support you, as this can be an emotionally draining task to do by yourself.

What to say

It’s completely natural to feel stressed or anxious when it comes to discussing death, as no one wants to hear bad news, however, this will be made much easier if you prepare beforehand. What you will say will depend on your personal relationship both with the person who has died and the person you are telling.

When breaking the news, keep things simple with only the known facts at that time. Make sure that you are clear and to the point, and don’t skirt around the subject with unrelated matters, so that you are sure that the other person is fully aware what has happened. This is especially important in the case of those who are younger or may have a harder time understanding.

Provide a supportive atmosphere, and try to answer any questions that they may have. Explain gently, and give space for the news to sink in. They may want to discuss the person who has died in depth, so ensure that you are the best person to deliver this news.

It’s also important to understand that people may not react the way that you expect, particularly if the death is unexpected. They may struggle to believe what you are saying, or they may be angry or confused. Try to stay calm, be patient, and understand that their reaction isn’t intended to hurt you.

Talking to children

Depending on the age of a child, they may not fully understand the permanence of death and what this means for them. You should try to avoid terms that cause confusion, such as “They’ve gone to a better place” or “they went away” and answer any questions Grief Encounter has online resources and support available to help navigate children and young people through bereavement.

Above all, you should break the news gently, while making sure that children feel safe and supported and allowed to express emotions as they enter a grieving stage.

It is never easy to have lost a loved one, and the news may take a long time to process. Sometimes, it is difficult to know where to start. Find support with bereavement or find advice around the practical elements of what to do when someone dies.

 

 

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Funeral Director fees

The price quoted contains the Funeral Director fees for a simple funeral. This includes:

  • Funeral Director fees for meetings, paperwork and running the funeral
  • Collection of the deceased and care prior to funeral
  • Hearse or appropriate vehicle for transport to the funeral
  • Basic coffin

The Funeral Director fees quoted do not include third party costs (often called disbursements). The Funeral Director will guide you through your options. These costs are:

  • Cremation or burial fees
  • Medical certificate for cremation
  • Clergy or officiant fee for conducting the ceremony

In addition to the disbursements you may want to discuss optional costs with your Funeral Director - these could include:

  • Funeral flowers
  • Memorial (venue hire, catering etc)
  • Memorial headstone
  • Orders of service
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What is a Direct Cremation?

A Direct Cremation is an alternative to the traditional funeral. This involves the cremation of the deceased without a funeral service. A Direct Cremation is generally the most economic option because costs of the coffin, preparation of the body, funeral service and expensive transportation are not included. However, many people choose Direct Cremations for reasons other than expense, for example:

  • - Wanting to have a memorial at a different time to the cremation
  • - Expressed desire from the deceased to not have a ceremony
  • - Individuals with relatives who face big physical or geographical challenges in coming together for a ceremony

The prices quoted for Direct Cremations include:

  • All charges, meetings and paperwork for the cremation
  • Collection of deceased and care prior to cremation
  • A simple coffin and urn for the ashes
  • Cremation fees and delivery of ashes to the family
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Attended funeral

This is Funeral Choice’s best estimate of this Funeral Director’s fees for an Attended Funeral, which is where family and friends have a ceremony or service for the deceased person at the same time as they attend their burial or cremation.

This price includes the following:

  • Taking care of all necessary legal and administrative arrangements
  • Collecting and transporting the deceased person from the place of death (normally within 15 miles of the funeral director’s premises) into the funeral director’s care
  • Care of the deceased person before the funeral in appropriate facilities.
  • Providing a suitable coffin
  • Optional viewing of the deceased person for family and friends, by appointment with the funeral director
  • At a date and time you agree with the funeral director, taking the deceased person direct to the agreed cemetery or crematorium (normally within 20 miles of the funeral director’s premises) in a hearse or other appropriate vehicle

In addition to the Funeral Director’s fee, there will be third party costs to consider (sometimes called disbursements) to cover the other aspects of a funeral (such as the crematorium or burial fees). Your chosen Funeral Director will be able to provide these for you.

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Unattended funeral

This is Funeral Choice’s best estimate of this Funeral Director’s fees and the crematorium fee for an Unattended Funeral, which is where family and friends may choose to have a ceremony, event or service for the deceased person, but they do not attend the burial or cremation itself. This is also known as a Direct Cremation.

This price includes the following:

  • Funeral Director's fees
  • Crematorium fee (for an unattended funeral) as selected by the Funeral Director

In addition to this fee, there might be additional third party costs to consider (sometimes called disbursements). Your chosen Funeral Director will be able to explain these for you.

If you wish to attend the funeral, you should view the “Attended Funeral” price instead.

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Why is this price Estimated?

We work hard to ensure the Funeral Director Fees we display are accurate and up to date. However, unlike with our partners, we cannot guarantee this price is correct today.

Funeral Director fees

The price quoted contains the Funeral Director fees for a simple funeral. This includes:

  • Funeral Director fees for meetings, paperwork and running the funeral
  • Collection of the deceased and care prior to funeral
  • Hearse or appropriate vehicle for transport to the funeral
  • Basic coffin

The Funeral Director fees quoted do not include third party costs (often called disbursements). The Funeral Director will guide you through your options. These costs are:

  • Cremation or burial fees
  • Medical certificate for cremation
  • Clergy or officiant fee for conducting the ceremony

In addition to the disbursements you may want to discuss optional costs with your Funeral Director - these could include:

  • Funeral flowers
  • Memorial (venue hire, catering etc)
  • Memorial headstone
  • Orders of service
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Funeral Choice charity donation

To redeem the £20 charity donation all you have to do is select the charity from the dropdown list in the Make Contact form. Once you have confirmed arrangements with that funeral director send us an email to info@yourfuneralchoice.com confirming the service has been arranged. After we receive this email we will make the donation to the chosen charity and confirm back to you.

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